What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
