Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
