One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I hate all girls vehemently.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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