my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This is the high leading the old right now
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
