May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
