Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
