3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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