I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
