the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
