I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
