I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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