Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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