now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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