i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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