How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
