Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
