I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
And then he peed in my hair
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