3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
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Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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