PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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