I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
