we're chasing vodka with high fives
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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