I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
