I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
