you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
