I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
