Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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