today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
