Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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