There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
