I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Randomize
