lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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