That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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