do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
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listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
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Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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