so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I know her cup size but not her name....
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