I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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