Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You smell like stripper and shame
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
honey bunches of taint.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow