the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
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for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
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U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED