In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.