Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
