Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm like, not good at living.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.