dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
handjob tips. give me some.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
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It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.