I could have mohawked her pubes.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber