My nipple is on Facebook.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
