I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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