best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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