just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
