i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
