Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
