The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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