Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Randomize
