you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
