Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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