I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
