He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
50% drunk capacity currently
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
