I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
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As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
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If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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