Fuck appropriateness.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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