What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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