And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
