I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
