saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
