chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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