Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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