Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
