: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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