I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
