look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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