like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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