We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
